i’m reflecting on artistic aligment and burnout culture
2/18/24
My thoughts on artistic alignment...and how we/i/eye got here, and why it's important to be (t)here, and to know the difference when you aint there.. cause why? and what is the goal?
You know what they/the institutions don't teach/emphasize?
How to find it (artistic alignment), how to create it and then discern your foundries/boundaries once they've made them selves known. i believe it's a spiritual path. when you're connected to that source. to source. so to get there..
you must know where you come from. in order to create. this goes for everyone. not just the kids from immigrant parents. cause none of us are from 'here' wherever here is, unless you are. and those that know. know. and aren't ashamed.
I've been really lucky to know who I am and continue to question who I am not, and why I am not. I've been managing media and communications for Movement Research since Sept. and I realize that's kinda my thing, decolonizing media and comms.
2/28/24
I’m returning to this after 10 days plotting a weekend trip to Chicago to meet Ed who’s been filming all weekend. I have been on hold with Priceline for what seems to be hours and I am slowly losing my shit. Backstory- these tickets that I am attempting to transfer were originally for our trip to Puerto Rico but Ed’s sensibility got the best of him, and honestly it was a good call because a couple days later he got THEE CALL for this current gig. SO lesson is, not every impulse should be followed, and if you don’t have the money don’t book the flight. I was watching that one Greta Gerwig, (not Barbie) on Netflix- Francis Ha, and that’s lowkey what this lesson is reminding me of. She flies to Paris on a credit card and spends most of her time in bed and pretending to live it up. When all she wants to do is make dances damn it! So back to this artistic alignment.. I’m in a Manager position for the first time. And a full time position. Non profits do not pay enough, and I have been able to gig it up with other work from home situations the last few years. Last year I really took a moment to list out all the things I am doing and at the time it totaled 3 gigs, 1 full time, and 1 part time, and the countless passion projects. At some point this year I considered that I wanted to train in Yoga, which I am still contemplating for the Spring. I received a partial scholarship to train at a corporate yoga studio and have since decided I don’t want to train there.. also I would need pay for the thing ASAP and once again I do not have the money to make the trip. Was that decision an impulse? What’s the difference between impulse and desire? And passion? I haven’t been obsessed with something in a long time and I think I’m getting bored which is always a recipe for the next creative something. Maybe it can live here, just like this in a blog- nothing too crazy. That is, after all what what’s her face did isn’t it? Or did she end up writing for a magazine. Carrie. Bradshaw. Yes. I am making a Sex in the City reference. I do not want to be her. Although at one point in time, teenage me absolutely was living that Mr. Big life. Woof. How toxic. I can hear the train, it’s nearly midnight. I don’t think the city has ever been quiet enough for me to hear it. Maybe I haven’t been quiet enough to hear it. For a moment I thought I was back in The Bay and hearing BART in the distance. Am I planning this spontaneous but not really trip to remove myself from this craziness of this zero chill lifestyle? Maybe. Am I finally getting to a point of burnout..again? I think so.
Speaking of which- I’m including a flyer for my coworkers residency performance. She’s exploring burnout in her piece and doing a dance on a stationary bike. (BOSS) I’m feeling like that at the moment. On a stationary bike. Going nowhere but somewhere in my head. I have all but 63 subscribers and none of y’all are in NY, but I have manually added you from my first residency when I was 26. Katherine is 26 in her first residency. So I get it. I feel it. All the work for the exposure and experience, one I never take for granted. If you feel so compelled to, please donate to the production. I’ve included the link here: https://gofund.me/abac5739 and her website here: https://katherinedelacruz9.wixsite.com/mysite
